Things that have let me down

August 7th, 2008
  1. City Rail (aka “Shitty Rail”)
  2. Weight loss patches
  3. Applicator tampons
  4. Every single Harry Potter movie
  5. Valley Girl work-pants
  6. Limp Bizkit
  7. My childhood friend’s pledge to never ditch me for a boy
  8. God
  9. University
  10. Three mobile
  11. South Africa
  12. The stray dog I took in and nursed back to health, who then attacked a family friend and had to be put down. Good one, Rocky.
  13. Lindsay Lohan, although she is still totally fit and I want to sex her
  14. L-shaped nose rings
  15. Acupuncture
  16. Nylon underwear
  17. Flu shots
  18. Hillsbus
  19. LG
  20. Ciaran Leahy of late night Hotel CBD fame. If you don’t know what Facebook is (“Face what?”) you are too old to date me. I wonder whether this will come up the next time he googles hisself, if he knows how to. I do not want to sex
  21. Trellini’s
  22. Canned corn (beetle included)
  23. $4k worth of orthodontic work
  24. Berocca
  25. Fitness First
  26. Recovery Magazine
  27. My body
  28. The St John’s Ambulance staff at Livid 2004. Thanks for leaving me unconscious on the ground while my 90-pound girlfriend dragged me out of the mosh.
  29. Merrick & Rosso
  30. Alanis Morissette
  31. The heating in my ’89 Corolla
  32. The seatbelts in my ’89 Corolla
  33. The speakers in my ’89 Corolla
  34. The clutch in my ’89 Corolla
  35. My brother’s friend, “Donkey”, who was too fat and broke the driver’s seat of my ’89 Corolla
  36. Hair removal cream
  37. Proactiv
  38. Everyone I’ve ever dated
  39. Augusten Burroughs – I still love you though and I would sex you if you were not gay
  40. ILS. Why does your second album suck so hard?
  41. Excel
  42. Psyllium husks
  43. Limewire
  44. Every recipe I have ever tried to follow
  45. Daniel Johns – how could you get married to somebody who was not me? Let’s sex.
  46. E-Tax
  47. My gag reflex…huh??
  48. The Sex & The City film
  49. Florence. Why are all the shops closed on Sunday? Some people are a $2,000 flight away and only have one day to spend in the city.
  50. Yamaha
  51. Johnson’s holiday skin. If that shit works, I’ll eat my own head.
  52. Bar Bellino – what happened to your coffee??
  53. Bleach
  54. Jose Gonzales – remember what city your concert is at, champ.
  55. Garlic
  56. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Scar Serum
  57. 96.9
  58. Sydney Community College
  59. Stingoes
  60. Nerves
  61. Many, many cigarette lighters
  62. The weather
  63. Google desktop
  64. People who can pay for their own drugs next time
  65. Ezibuy
  66. My $30 alcohol breath tester
  67. Spell check
  68. Dr King
  69. Caffeine
  70. Broken guitar strings
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