Why I act like an arsehole sometimes
I was returning to the office after purchasing my daily coke zero from the Asian grocer, and as I was waiting for the elevator, I made eye contact with a group of six people entering the lobby from the street. The moment the lift doors opened, I got in and pressed “Level 2″. As I ascended to my floor, I pressed my ear to the doors and listened to the six people as they waited below in the lobby and bitched about me.
“What happened?”
“Didn’t she hold the lift?”
“Oh my god, what a bitch.”
The truth is, normally I would hold the lift. But sometimes, I feel like if I do one more good deed, the karmic balance of the earth will implode due to my profligate saintliness. I give blood. I donate to charities. I give my coffee change to homeless people. I pick up other people’s litter when I see it. I believe in freedom of speech and same sex marriage and doing unto others and random acts of kindness. But every so often, I just need to be a cunt.
3 Responses to “Why I act like an arsehole sometimes”
Another hilarious post. And yes, sometimes it’s nice to say “f*ck it” and worry about yourself for once!
I hate sharing lifts with strangers. I do however, like the word cunt.
I can’t do lifts, I’m claustrophic.
Whenever I do need to take the lift I give massive greasies to people who make it stop along the way and press buttons to slow it down and prolong the experience. Often I make loud sighing noises too so they know I hate them.
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