Ask Elton – part 2

does drinking gin keep mosquitoes away?

I’m not sure, but I’m fairly certain Sam will be able to tell you.

is he slowly breaking up with me?

Probably, if you are the kind of person who performs google searches rather than simply speaking to your more-intelligent half about any problems you might be experiencing in your relationship.

what happens to brain during accident?

During an accident, your brain expands significantly before melting and draining through your nostrils in a tragic, pungent mess, not dissimilar to a Jessica Mauboy song.

what happens when you break your two front adult teeth?

Again, I will defer this question to Sam.

example of anecdote?

Here is a recent example of an anecdote, courtesy of my mother:

“Your father and I had tickets to the theatre last weekend, and we had four extra ones, so I invited two ladies from church and then your aunt and uncle. What we didn’t know was that your aunt had also invited a friend! So we all arrived and we were short one ticket, which was very awkward because I couldn’t ask the church ladies to leave, but I couldn’t leave them either, and I couldn’t uninvite your aunt or uncle, and they couldn’t tell their friend to go home, so in the end Uncle Ben did the honourable thing and said, “You guys go and enjoy yourselves, I need an early night anyway” and he went home, which wasn’t really too inconvenient because they live quite close to the theatre anyway. So it all worked out in the– are you wearing headphones? Annik??”

if annik skelton isn’t a lesbian what is she?

I’m a Gemini.

is annik skelton the seafolly girl?

No, but I want to be inside her.

what happened to my ex narcissist boyfiend?

Presumably he ceased his self-absorbed ways, JUDGING BY YOUR SHITTY GRAMMAR.

after getting wisdom teeth pulled when does swelling go down?

Never. It is permanent. You consented to this when you signed the paperwork from your surgeon.

annik skelton might be satan – how can i tell?

The only way to truly determine my non-satanic status is to take me somewhere nice for dinner and buy me expensive cocktails. Unless you’re ugly, in which case you should just stay where you are.

can wisdom teeth be removed at the hospital?

No, unfortunately they cannot. Wisdom teeth removal is a self-surgery that must be performed at home, without anesthetic, using only a rubber glove and a pair of rusty barbeque tongs.

does lady annik skelton have a dick like lady gaga?

No.

how the fuck do i find weight watchers points?

You need to relax your anal cavity and purhase the points book. Or just stick your fingers down your throat and vomit until you are better looking and happier.

how to shrink my gums after having wisdom teeth removed?

This question disturbs me. I am not going to answer this.

is the fucking healthy?

Of course! Sex is a very important part of your professional and familial development.

what is apartheid?

Looks like today is your lucky day! I recently published an article on this very subject, after years of research. This piece should clear up any confusion you may have regarding apartheid.

what shall i do with my fucked up brother?

Either help him, sell him on eBay, or take him up the F3 and leave him on a beach somewhere the way I did with our dog when he wouldn’t stop urinating in the linen cupboard

what should i look out for after having wisdom teeth out?

Mormons, sniffer-dogs, Jessica Mauboy, organic food products and scabies.

what your dad’s death should mean to you?

Hopefully a hefty inheritance! It may also include a “Black” themed party and some extra room around the dinner table.

why does my cat scratch at the door?

My god, this one is tough! I’m no animalogist, but if I had to put my money anywhere, I’d hazard a guess and say your cat wants to be let inside. If that doesn’t work, try peeling it and see if it continues to scratch at the door after that.