Toilet cubicle conversations with co-workers
October 21st, 2009
Julia: Annik? Is that you in there?
Me: Yes.
Julia: I knew it!
Me: How did you know? Did you look at my shoes?
Julia: No, I just recognise the sound of the way you remove toilet paper from the dispenser.
Me: I think we should spend time with other people.
19 Responses to “Toilet cubicle conversations with co-workers”
At least she didn’t recognise you by the sound/smell of your pee. That is getting way too organic in the friendship department.
@Gabfran – I have another story about that, but it’s too gross (even for Neekersneakers.)
Speaking of toilet cubicles, this blog is way too short to keep me entertained while I conduct my own cubicle related business.
I was all like “awesome, I’ll read neeks blog.” and now it’s like I feel un-filled. Although I did enjoy it while it lasted. Now I know how girls who sleep with men who are in need of nasal delivery technology feel. So in a sense of enlightenment, I guess I did thoroughly enjoy your blog after all. Thanks neek.
It doesn’t involve who you can or would be able to pee in front of by any chance does it? That is kind of the last frontier of friendship really…
This is just one of the many reasons why all shared toilet facilities need background music.
@Ryan – maybe you can do a guest post, share the burden?
@Gabfran – actually, I’ll pee in front of most people.
@Jayphen – and the other reasons are….for ambience?
A worse story??? Cmon. You can’t dangle a carrot like that.
OK… Gimme something to write about
I can’t promise it will be Neek-worthy though.
So you can’t hear other people shitting. There is an unspoken rule of workplace bathrooms whereby if one person is using a cubicle, you have to either come back later, lest end up sitting side by side in something of a Mexican poo-off. Also if you are already in the bathroom & someone comes in & makes eye contact with you but does not speak, there is a 40% chance they will have stage fright when they attempt to pee. Bathroom music would solve all of these issues, because it gives you something to concentrate on other than the bodily functions of colleagues in your presence.
2nd that jayphen. It’s never quite as funny as the family guy: Peter Griffin v Michael Moore battle.
That unspoken rule apparently doesn’t exist in my workplace. It’s not pleasant.
I don’t think it actually exists anywhere. It is a beautiful fantasy though.
This “Mexian poo-off” thing is fascinating to me. I think an entire thesis could be written on this. And a screenplay.
Over vodka slurpies I will share with you my best poo anecdotes including (but not limited to):
a. The Double Bay Exterminator;
b. Where have all the toilet doors gone? (a journay across America by Greyhound bus); and
c. Suitcase Gate – the Real Story.
I must be privy to these anecdotes… & vodka slurpees :p
@Gabfran – how can I resist an invitation like that!
Any place I’ve worked at has had a strict Code of Silence. Once you go through the second swinging door, all conversation stops and everyone just goes about their business until they return to the basins to (hopefully, oh dear god please hopefully) wash their hands.
Personally, I don’t have problems with other people’s noises as long as they don’t try and make conversation with me. Yes, I prefer odorous splashes to interacting with other people.
I guess that’s why I became a public servant in the first place…
@Shane – no! The best is when you can hear somebody telling a story from the cubicle and they groan mid-sentence. It is those little moments that make up life.
@Annik – this must be one of those Mars/Venus, seat up/seat down, drive around in circles/”Look, if you don’t stop and ask for directions soon I’m getting a fucking divorce” kind of things.
Most guys I know observe the Code of Silence. Important conversations (like about that hot chick who is so drunk she thinks you are hot, too, and is waiting at the bar for you to come back) might continue at the urinal. As soon as a cubicle door is closed, conversation ceases. A good squat is to be observed in reverential silence. Always. Unless you’re really drunk in which splashing noises are comedy gold and the ploppier the better.
Maybe it’s just the company I keep?
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