Why I hate taxi drivers
Cabbie: Whoah.. haha, rough night?
Me: Excuse me?
Cabbie: You just look like you’ve been partying pretty hard.
Me: Right.. Can you take me to the Hills?
Cabbie: Sure. But just so you know, there’s a $60 fine if you vomit in a taxi.
Me: I’m not going to vomit in the taxi.
Cabbie: Okay, but just so you know–
Me: I’m fine.
Cabbie: You just look a little tired, that’s all. My mate rang me only half an hour ago cause some girl hurled in his cab. It’s a massive pain because you have to take the car to get cleaned, then you miss out on fares… So $60 doesn’t even really cover you.
Me: Take the motorway, please.
Cabbie: You know what the worst thing is? When people pay by credit. Man, I hate people who use credit cards. The driver doesn’t get the payment for at least two weeks.
Me: I’m sure it doesn’t take that long.
Cabbie: It does. Sometimes it takes months.
Me: I have cash.
Cabbie: Okay, but keep in mind it’s an extra $60 if you throw up.
Me: I’m not going to throw up.
Cabbie: Alright. Maybe we should stop talking and you can just concentrate on not throwing up.
Me: Sure, great.
Half an hour later.
Cabbie: Okay, so including tolls and the surcharge, that’ll be…$113.50
Me: Oh.. Do you take Mastercard? Put it through quickly, I’m feeling kind of nauseous.
9 Responses to “Why I hate taxi drivers”
HOW FREAKING MUCH!?
Once I caught a cab to my Dad’s house in Armadale from Perth city thinking it wouldn’t be too far and it cost us $70, I thought THAT was bad…
@Ceri – taxi fares to the Hills are also known as rape.
You’ve got the makings of a great Mastercard ad there, Annik.
“Taxis drivers are often pea-brained dick holes with all the wit and charm of Oscar Wilde’s discarded leather condom collection; people who will basically rape you with the fare to the Hills, and we can’t help that – only Darwinian selection over millenia will cure that ill and wipe the cancer of these people from the bunghole of the Earth – but for everything else, there’s Mastercard ™”
I don’t know, I haven’t really done an awful lot of work in the advertising world – not really my area, as such.
Nauseated! Otherwise you’re confirming his opening statements, which I can’t believe would be true for a moment.
I get the same thing with cabcharge since it’s a card like credit. Most cabbies feign ignorance or pretend their machine isn’t working. So we do a bit of a song and dance until I make them do it manually with carbon paper and the clacky-clack hard plastic copy device
@Paul – I thought my product placement was so subtle, nobody would notice! *smacks forehead*
@passerby – actually, I did not vom that night. But I was on the way home from shtbox so I must have looked pretty sketchy.
I saw a doco the other week about the corruption and bullshit surrounding the train line that was meant to be built out to the Hills.. eegh!! I immediately thought of that piccie you did of the Hills bus full of cunts.. teeheehee!
The last time I vomited in a taxi, I was provided with a sick bag, and the cab driver was very philosophical about the whole experience. All taxis should carry sick bags.
The time I vomited in a taxi before that I managed to project everything out the window, leaving a very graceful streak of vodka and kebab and bile across the side of the taxi, and a veritable Hansel-and-Gretel trail home.
@Jess – my only problem with a train line being built in the Hills is that it will encourage vagrants to shift further west. However, it would save the rest of us quite a bit of money.
@Rosie – you know you’re fucked when a kebab won’t even stay down. That is impressive. I’m impressed.
@ Jess – Instead of telling all taxis to carry sick bag,Why do u carry a couple of sick bags along with u always.
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