Cabbie: Whoah.. haha, rough night?
Me: Excuse me?
Cabbie: You just look like you’ve been partying pretty hard.
Me: Right.. Can you take me to the Hills?
Cabbie: Sure. But just so you know, there’s a $60 fine if you vomit in a taxi.
Me: I’m not going to vomit in the taxi.
Cabbie: Okay, but just so you know–
Me: I’m fine.
Cabbie: You just look a little tired, that’s all. My mate rang me only half an hour ago cause some girl hurled in his cab. It’s a massive pain because you have to take the car to get cleaned, then you miss out on fares… So $60 doesn’t even really cover you.
Me: Take the motorway, please.
Cabbie: You know what the worst thing is? When people pay by credit. Man, I hate people who use credit cards. The driver doesn’t get the payment for at least two weeks.
Me: I’m sure it doesn’t take that long.
Cabbie: It does. Sometimes it takes months.
Me: I have cash.
Cabbie: Okay, but keep in mind it’s an extra $60 if you throw up.
Me: I’m not going to throw up.
Cabbie: Alright. Maybe we should stop talking and you can just concentrate on not throwing up.
Me: Sure, great.
Half an hour later.
Cabbie: Okay, so including tolls and the surcharge, that’ll be…$113.50
Me: Oh.. Do you take Mastercard? Put it through quickly, I’m feeling kind of nauseous.