Trying to find a bass player for my old band
A few years ago, I played guitar in a band with my co-worker (a secretly talented singer) and her older brother (a drummer/psychopath).
We drank a lot of beer and pissed off a lot of neighbours, and we decided that a bass player was essential to our continued existence.
I offered to place an ad online and the drummer nodded.
“Yeah, that’s good,” he said. “Just make the ad really vague, but also specific. Say that they need to be cool, but not cooler than us. We’ll ask them to meet us at a bar, and then we’ll interview them. If they have a last name for a first name or a first name for a last name, they’re out. And if they use any faggy music words like “progressive euro-tech” that’s also cause for immediate disqualification.”
“Anything else?”
“I don’t want anyone whose outfit costs more than mine, and if they order a Coopers red, we’ll know they’re a dickhead.”
We never found a bass player and the band broke up a month later.
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8 Responses to “Trying to find a bass player for my old band”
It’s taken me years to realize the value of a good octave pedal.
You do realise that you can totally see Tim Allens junk in the ‘Bill’s story’ post, don’t you? It’s mesmerising.
@Brian – you’re like that annoying person who goes around commenting on their friend’s Facebook statuses with entirely unrelated remarks, so that anyone who has subscribed to the original status(presumably because they were interested in its contents) automatically becomes subscribed to your irrelevant musings.
Years ago, we auditioned for a singer and put the old Drum Media ad out there. The mists of time prevent me from remembering too many specifics, but I do remember very well some of the characters who auditioned.
My absolute favourite was the young chap who turned up with skateboard in hand, and proceeded to lecture us about how Radiohead’s OK Computer was the best album in the history of everything that had ever existed, and OMG etc etc – growing progressively more excited – and possibly dangerous.
With all the enthusiasm he was displaying for music in general (and more specifically for the mysanthropic musings of Thom “Can I Borrow Some Spelling Help” Yorke and company, we figured this guy would at least bring the goods.
At the end of his interminable OK Computer based tirade, we actually tried to get him to sing something, at which point we found out that he sounded like the shitwit from Jebadiah without the nasal drip.
Suffice to say, it was a long day (he was something like audition 10 that day – and would-be lead singers like to talk – you’d better believe it) and by the end we were seriously considering suicide by Wild Turkey shots as a career move.
More on your subject, bass players are really hard to find. Conversely, drummer/psychopaths are seemingly abundant. Or, if sane, shithouse.
@Paul – god, I’d hate to have to audition singers. They’re always show ponies. Bass players are like a rare species. I want to learn bass properly and then charge myself out at $500 an hour.
I play French horn.
No one wants to hire me.
Do you really? I’m looking for a french horn player… No joke. Are u good?
What? Someone wants a hornist?
I’m all right. I work teaching brass to high school chilluns. My last performing job was in the orchestra for a production of Oliver! earlier this year.
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