How to ruin Christmas part 1: add fuel to harmless family arguments until they escalate to full-blown domestic disputes

December 29th, 2009

Mum: Can you open the champagne, darling?

Dad: The Chandon?

Mum: No, the Veuve. I told you to bring the Veuve!

Dad: Well I just grabbed whatever was in the fridge.

Mum: The fridge in the kitchen?

Dad: No, the fridge in the garage.

Mum: Why would you do that?

Dad: You just said ‘get the champagne from the fridge’. If you meant a specific champagne from a particular fridge, you should have said so.

Me: Yeah, Mum. The guy’s a GP, not an oracle.

Mum: I just don’t understand why you never listen to me properly. If you were unsure, you should have asked.

Me: Yeah, Dad. You went to medical school for six years but you can’t even figure out what champagne to bring to Christmas lunch?

Dad: I have worked my arse off so that you people can have champagne in the first place, and then this is how you treat me?

Me: Yeah, Mum!

Mum: Oh, right, because birthing your children and raising them into semi-respectable adults was just one big goddamn holiday for me.

Me: Yeah, Dad! Wait…what do you mean by semi?

Dad: Annik, please tell your mother that if anybody needs me, I’ll be in my study.

I thought you were adopted.

Comment by Valerie on December 29th, 2009

Damn, I miss this shit. I’m going back to Ireland for Christmas every year from now on!

Comment by franksting on December 29th, 2009

@Valerie – that’s just my fantasy..

Comment by Annik on December 29th, 2009

Chandon is made in Australia, so it’s sparkling wine. Veuve is champagne. You dont need to be an oracle to know that, just a mad snob.

Comment by Keira on December 29th, 2009

You’re hilarious! Next year you can come to my Christmas and spice things up!

Comment by Jessica on December 31st, 2009

Hilarious! And familiar.

Comment by Sari on January 7th, 2010

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