Him: You think I’m some sort of golden goose? That I will just offer you a silver platter of men to bone your way through?
Me: I don’t really think that’s how the story went.
Him: Fuck you.
Him: I just don’t understand why anyone would want you.
Him: Do you want to go to the pub?
Me: It’s Monday.
Him: I know, but I get bored in the mornings. Usually I just masturbate on your bed and then get ready for work.
Him: I think we can all agree that the only real use for the internet is looking at pictures of posh furniture. And porn.
Him: We all have the stupidest jobs. We possess no real valuable skills. If we got stranded on an island, we would just sit on the beach and die.