Christmas Eve predictions 2010

December 24th, 2010
  • my friends will want to go to the Tav tonight and I will flatly refuse, as since I have moved to the city, I have grown out of getting shitfaced at dirty bars in the Hills.
  • a few hours later, I will be standing on a table in the beer garden at the Tav doing shots of sambuca.
  • I will yell at a taxi driver and pass out in the study at my parents’ house.
  • Mum will knock on the door at 8am tomorrow morning and ask me if I want to go to church. I will pretend not to hear her.
  • My brother and I will wake up 5 minutes before my parents come home from church and pretend we have been up for hours.
  • My mother will give me a Bryce Courtenay book, which I will never read, and I will give her a scarf, which she will never wear.
  • My brother and I will hand each other cards containing $50. Sometimes, we just pull out our wallets and exchange notes.
  • My mother will drink a glass of champagne while she’s preparing a dip plate, then have a hot flush and retire to the lounge while my father finishes all other food preparation for the day.
  • Our Christmas lunch guests will be church families and awkward singles, because my mother believes that the days surrounding Christmas are for catching up with relatives and in-laws, but Christmas Day itself should be spent with her spiritual family.
  • My brother and I, faced with the prospect of a long lunch with our estranged childhood Sunday School friends, will begin putting away beers as though our lives depend on it.
  • Lunch will include a lot of seafood, which I will remind my parents I do not eat. (“Oh how nice of you to provide for everyone. Thank you so much.”)
  • I will start a fight with someone about Christianity, get shut down by my mother, sulk for the rest of the meal and then leave the table as soon as is vaguely socially acceptable.
  • I will sit for half an hour with my cat and then fall asleep on the couch.
  • I will wake up after all our guests have left and my dad will make up a fruit platter just for me. We will sit in front of the fan and watch a documentary about Hitler.
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5 Responses to “Christmas Eve predictions 2010”

Why can’t life always be this simple & beautiful?

Comment by Stanmore Phoenix on December 24th, 2010

That sounds far more entertaining than having a bbq with my uncle which will involve steaks so thin you might mistake them for discoloured pancakes.

Comment by Tony on December 24th, 2010

So how many of these predictions were correct?

Comment by Ceri on December 29th, 2010

@Ceri – only six, actually. I was off my game this year.

Comment by Annik on January 2nd, 2011

Christianity and seafood have no place in the world.

Comment by sam on January 10th, 2011

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