At the terracotta warriors exhibition…
Mum: They say that every warrior was crafted to look like an actual living soldier at the time. Each statue is unique.
Me: Really?
Mum: Well, who knows.. They’re Chinese so they all look the same anyway.

After a trip to Guatemala…
Mum: The toilets over there were awful. The only decent one I found was a disabled cubicle at a restaurant. It had better toilet paper.
Me: That’s weird.
Mum: I know, why bother? It’s not like they can feel the difference.

Upon hearing the news that my cousin and her girlfriend were engaged…
Mum: To do what?

“Third time lucky, then?”
- my mother

“Honestly, nobody even cares anymore.”
- my friend Keira

“That’s great!”
- supportive boyfriend