Ryan, just making good impressions

On meeting the lead singer of the Sea Bellies

Ryan: So do you still think your band is going to “make it”?

To his new boss, first day on the job

Ryan: Is that a Rubik’s cube you’ve got there?
New boss: Yeah, I used to be able to finish these things so quickly.
Ryan: Wow, I bet it used to just rain pussy when you did that.
New boss: I’m gay.

To his new flatmate

FM: Did I tell you about the dream I had last night?
Ryan: Hearing about someone else’s dream is the same as hearing about someone else’s children. Absolutely nobody cares.
FM: Nevermind.