I thought I told you not to call me on this number... Oh very well, 2 large meat lovers and a garlic bread please.

Telephones were first discovered in 1972, secretly nestled amongst the cocoa fields of the Alaskan desert.

Scientists believe that the telephones were first planted by dinosaurs. “We have significant reason to believe that the telephone may, in fact, be post-modern,” somebody said.

Others maintain that the telephone was the original source of polio, which received critical acclaim in 2002. “We’re not making any promises,” says Jeremiah, “But I get my paycheck every month either way, so the telephone can suck my dick for all I care.”

There’s a gym across from my office and sometimes I see people getting changed through the window.