Books I have stopped reading because they were so bad

January 24th, 2012

Dead Europe

This book contains a lot of same-sex sex, orgies, beastiality, incest, rape, drug use, Jew h8ers, and descriptions of men jizzing in various places. And while I can appreciate a brutally violent anal sex scene as much as the next reader, I was hoping for a few plot points in between visits to pound town.

My mother bought me this book for Christmas.

Coonardoo

Aboriginal people herd cattle for 800 pages = TLDR.

Can you believe that when this book first came out, it was banned for being so controversial?

Me neither, cause it’s fucking boring.

The Alchemist

What would be quicker than reading this book is if you just got someone to shit directly onto your lap and then got on with your day.

The best part of this book was when I threw it in the bin.

A Wolf at the Table

Augusten Burroughs tries not to be funny and succeeds.

Could put it down.

 

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reviews - 8 Comments »

Conversations with Ryan: an unofficial review of Drive

December 16th, 2011

fucking boring

 

Ryan: I watched Drive today.

Me: How was it?

Ryan: There’s no story, absolutely nothing. It’s a 20 minute script shot in slow motion to make up an hour and a half of footage. Mostly it’s just shots of Ryan Gosling wearing a gold jacket and chewing on a toothpick. He also walks down a lot of hallways. And there’s no driving. It shouldn’t even be called “Drive”. That’s misleading. It should be called “Ryan Gosling chews a toothpick in slow motion for ninety minutes”. If you want to know what happens in Drive, just look at the DVD cover. That’s the movie. The whole thing.

Me: I heard the soundtrack was good?

Ryan: I can’t remember, I’d have to watch it again. And that’s not going to happen because it’s fucking boring.

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